Tis the season to lie to yourself.

It’s January, and every January a large portion of the American populace says “this is the year I will get in shape.”


Well, I’ve gotten in shape before, recently gotten out of shape, and a few months ago I started getting back into shape. I run a few nights a week, though I’ve taken the last couple of weeks off for the holidays. I plan on adding lifting back into the equation for the first time in a couple of years here in the next few days.

A lot of people fail, though. They start with the best of intentions and end up giving up. They haven’t learned the secret of fitness yet. Lie to yourself.


Talk to someone who runs long road races, like half-marathons and marathons. They’ll be all like, omg I love running! Running is the best thing in the world! You don’t need to take those anti-depressants anymore, just start running! Running will make all of your troubles go away! Bullshit.

Running hurts, being out of breath sucks, and there’s nothing intrinsically fun about it. Same with pretty much everything.

  1. Running: Not fun.
  2. Lifting: OK, but makes me puke sometimes.
  3. Yoga: Also OK, also makes me puke sometimes.
  4. Cross-training: Barf-city
  5. Cycling: Hurts the taint.
  6. Rollerblading: It’s not the 90’s anymore, but it hurt then.

The reason people don’t quit these endeavors is because they’re good enough at lying to themselves to make it believable.

It helps if you can lie to yourself and pretend greek yogurt with nuts and honey is just as delicious as a full English breakfast, or that spaghetti squash really is close enough to “pasta” to count (actually,spaghetti squash works in my book.)

Author: Charlie

Thirty-something husband and father. Aspiring baker. Decent cook. Childish humorist. General enthusiast.

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